I am not. . .

I have to say that there was a time in my life when I thought that I was in complete control. I am by nature a very independent person. Mainly because God created me that way, but also because of events in my life, I learned to take care of myself at a very young age. While other children were busy at being just that, I was tending to tasks that most children do not have to concern themselves with.

I remember the first time that I had to be dependent on someone. I had broken my leg, and had to rely on my husband to do alot of the things that I normally took care of. It was not a fun time for me to sit and wait on someone else to do something that I normally could have just done for myself. As a matter of fact, it was very frustrating for me. And I am sure that if I were to ask my dear husband he'd admit to being very frustrated also (with me). It's not easy caring for an independent person, they can be a royal pain.

Since that time in my life I have learned that I am not in control of many things. There are two events in my life that really drove that lesson home for me. Event #1 was giving birth to my first born Phillip. And the second was giving birth to my baby girl Sara. Becoming a parent has definitely rocked my world. All of a sudden I needed to be in control of not one life, but two. Thankfully, by the time Sara came around, I had consented to the reality that I cannot control everything, and life was alot more relaxed. I was beginning to learn that God's got it all under control, and it was meaningless for me to spin my wheels trying to run the show.

By no means am I trying to say that I have arrived at living this truth out in my life. But I can say that the longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize that the show is not about me, it is all about Him. And I am learning to work AND rest in Him. And sweet rest in Him is what I desire most these days.

With all of that said, I wanted to share with you this book that I have been reading. It talks of this very thing. And it has been a great reminder of who He really is, the one and only I AM.

THE STORY ALREADY HAS A STAR, AND THE STAR IS NOT YOU OR ME. And here's why it matters ~ if we don't get the two stories straight, everything else in our lives will be out of sync. We'll spend our days trying to hijack the Story of God, turning it into the story of us. Inverting reality, we'll live everyday as though life is all about you and me.

GOD IS BIG. REALLY, REALLY BIG. And, I am not. Sitting here I feel so small ~ and small feels surprisingly good. So good I begin to wonder why it's so surprising that feeling small feels good. The truth is, feeling small may not be so bad if in recognizing our smallness we come to realize the wonder of God ~ a God who is beyond our ability to fully describe or imagine, yet someone we are privileged to know, love, and embrace.

I AM NOT BUT GOD KNOWS MY NAME

I AM NOT BUT HE HAS PURSUED ME IN HIS LOVE

I AM NOT BUT I KNOW THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE

I AM NOT BUT I HAVE BEEN INVITED INTO HIS STORY

I AM NOT BUT I KNOW I AM