Empty Spaces. . .in my homework

It's MY Friday off. I could not wait for it to get here. Usually, I get up and go have lunch at the school with my kids & Jonathon. That's right I eat 3 times. First with Sara, usually something very small (fruit). Then, with Jonathon I eat lunch and before that is over it's Phillip's lunch time, and when he is done we have ice cream. This has been a treat that we have enjoyed every since I started getting every other Friday off. I always missed the chance to visit my kids at their school because of my job and now God has blessed me with that opportunity.

But today. . .it's MY Friday. . .and like I said I could not wait! I needed some ME time, and I became very aware of that need Tuesday night at bible study. We just started another Beth Moore series called "Measureless Love", and it was time to share what we learned during our homework time the week before. Basically we were to spend time thinking through a few questions about measuring up:

• Who are we trying to measure up to?
• Who are we trying to measure up for?
• Who are we trying to measure God by?

As I did my homework that week the first question came pretty easy to me. Since being a mother (8 almost 9 years now), God has been teaching me that I spend my days trying to live up to "my idea" of the perfect mother, perfect wife, and perfect christian. Because of my past I set the standard for those things so high that defeat was always at my back door. This makes me exhausted and empty. When I got to the second & third question I had a more difficult time answering my homework because. . .time is not my friend. . .thus explaining the empty spaces on my homework sheet that became very obvious to my bible study friends when I was not sharing very much. This is why I could not wait for MY Friday, I had made an appointment with God. I needed time to ponder these questions and allow God to speak to me and to fill me. Let me just say God showed up this morning (thank you Jesus), and helped me answer those questions.

In Ephesians 3:14-19 Paul prays for me to *be strengthened in my inner being so that *Christ may dwell in my heart, *and that I may have power to grasp the love of Christ *so that I may be filled to the measure with the fullness of God.

As I pondered those verses it occurred to me that all of my "measuring up" may come from my past experiences with the people in my life but the root of my problem is ME. I am my worst enemy.

2 Corinthians 10:12-13 tells me it is not WISE for me to compare myself to ANYTHING but the field God has assigned to me.

Beth Moore brought our attention to the word field. Get this. . . the Hebrew word for field is kanna~a reed, a measuring rod. Our word is canon, which is the Bible. So what is the field God has assigned to me?? His word. . .of course. That should be my measuring rod. Not past experiences, not others, not even my idea of who I should be. No one has got it all together, not even Paul did (Philippians 3:12). So why in world would I ever expect to have it all together?? You know, or maybe you don't. . .we are a messed up people that's why we needed a Savior.

Here is a truth I need to sink deep into my heart: GOD IS NOT MESSED UP! He does not have a "love tank" that I need to fill up. HE IS LOVE!

I don't need to do anything to merit His love. He loved me before I was even born and could do anything. I realized this morning for the first time I think that my focus lately is all wrong. I have been discouraged because I have felt like I haven't been doing much for God. God is not interested in me doing something for Him. He can handle things just fine without me. He desires a relationship with me and out of that will flow a life of doing.

Beth Moore says "God does not condemn me, Satan does. God convicts me so I can see my error, surrender to Him, pucker up and kiss it good-bye!" So that is what I am doing this morning. . .the last question of my homework.

• What are you kissing good-bye?

I am kissing good-bye the idea that God has a "love tank" that I need to fill up for Him to be happy with me. And I am going to replace it with His Measureless Love for me. Because when I look outward it easy to become discouraged. And when I look inward it seems hopeless. But. . . when I put my hope in His love He delights in me, and there is hope, encouragement, and victory. And I am going to rejoice in the fact that I've got my eye on the goal (JESUS), I'm running towards Him, and I AM NOT going to turn back. PRAISE THE LORD :-) !!!